"Where do you wanna go?" “Somewhere close by,” I say, trying to sound appropriately detached, though I’m not sure for whom. We ride off, and I let the road decide. I sat in the backseat often enough that the city began to blur with the wind. I wanted to lean in, I didn't. Then there were no more rides. I never went back to any of those places. They remained lodged in memory: fog, cold air, a field I once despised, made comforting by the company I kept there. My winter woods I would never return to. One particularly shitty day I tried to find them again. I walked in the general direction, music on, nobody tracking me, nobody waiting. Just a walk with the smallest chance of recognition. I reached a crossroads and and was hit with the sudden fragrance of pala—intoxicating, almost dizzying. I looked around. No pala trees, only a mango tree in full bloom. I was nowhere near the bridge, only a scattering of flats and an ordinary road. Still, for a moment, the place returned. ...
Posts
- Get link
- X
- Other Apps
“Do you ever wonder what the point of all this is? "We are all just a side effect of an endless evolution that cares little for individual life". He looks at me quizzically…and I try to articulate what my burnt out mind is conjuring up. “It’s just that, everything is just so random. I’m this random person, born in this random corner of the world. I never chose to be born as me, and there’s probably someone else in some other corner of the world going through the exact same thing. I’m, in all ways, inconsequential. And everything that I experience, is also inconsequential. I know that. Its random by design. But it affects me, it makes me so disproportionately sad, or attached. And then each time, there’s a fuck up, there’s one less thing to care about. I can’t care about career, definitely not on people…then what’s the point of all of this, if in the end, its just going to crash and burn, because this system is rigged that way?” He knows I’m not coming from a place of philos...
- Get link
- X
- Other Apps
"I chased happiness not knowing that in my chase, it fell behind." You know how your brain does not let you wake up even though it was you who set that early alarm? They say the brain does this to protect you. That waking up means doing work, acting responsible and a whole lot of other stressful things that you don't really have the energy to do. Then why does the same brain not protect you from sadness? That irrational, generic sadness that envelops you and leaves you wondering, "Why the hell am I sad??". There is no visible reason, no explanation, you have so many things to be happy about, yet you are just so fucking miserable. Why does my brain not protect me from this? My anxiety-expert friend replies, "Because somewhere, you enjoy it".